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UFF Primetime Prophet
# 29
Pay, I said pay attention, son.
  
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Mocking the Draft
« on: Apr 19th, 2005, 10:26pm » |
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Time to really "mock" the draft...
1. SF: Joe Namath, QB (pantyhose-wearing QB's play well in SF)
2. MIA: Matt Jones, QB, Arkansas (Saban selects him as a QB)
3. CLE: Michael Jackson, WR, Neverland (didn't he play for the Browns before?)
4. CHI: Darren Sproles, OT, Kansas St. (Lovie wants some athleticism on the OL)
5. TB: Mercury Morris, RB, Retired (Gruden wanted a Cadillac, but settles for a less-expensive Mercury)
6. TEN: Katie Hnida, K, Colorado (she thought Colorado had some rowdy players?)
7. MIN: Brandy Moss, WR (maybe no one will notice the R&B diva is NOT Randy Moss)
8. ARZ: John Clayton, Special Teams Ace, ESPN (Cards finish last in league in 2005)
9. WAS: Steve Stegeman, QB, Catholic U. (Snyder was willing to shell out the big bucks for him)
10. DET: Len Pasquerelli, OT, ESPN (the only man bigger than departed Stockar McDougle)
11. DAL: Adam Sandler, QB (Tuna thought he looked good in Longest Yard remake)
12. SD: Ryan Leaf, QB (they are still convinced HE is the franchise QB they need)
13. HOU: Matt Jones, TE, Arkansas (Texans discover loophole allowing them to get Jones as a TE)
14. CAR: Sean May, Center/Power Forward/Tight End, N. Carolina (basketball rules in Carolina)
15. KC: Adrian McPherson, QB, Florida Detention Center (Vermeil cried when he heard his story)
16. NO: Luis Castillo, DT, Northwestern (Haslett really seems to have taken a liking to this guy)
17. CIN: Cris Collinsworth, WR (he convinced them he's still better than most NFL WRs)
18. MIN: Jesse Ventura, Gov., State House (Maybe he'll be able to keep the Vikes in Minnesota?)
19. STL: Elton Brown, G, Virginia (finally, an OL with a good attitude for Martz)
20. DAL: Burt Reynolds, QB (Tuna realized he needed a veteran to mentor Adam Sandler)
21. JAX: Jennifer Garner, TE (a tight end is a position of need, always)
22. BAL: Maurice Clarett, RB, Ohio State (Ravens look for a RB without baggage this time)
23. SEA: Jennifer Lopez, really TE (enough said)
24. GB: Alex Smith, QB, Utah (Packers surprised he fell this far)
25. DEN: Anttaj Hawthorne, DT, Wisc. (pegged as a Mile High kind of guy before the Combine)
26. NYJ: Derek Jeter, SS, Yankees (Jets tired of playing second-fiddle to Giants in NY)
27. ATL: Santiago Gramatica, K, S. Florida (Feely was good, but lacked the K bloodline)
28. SD: Eli Manning, QB, Ole Miss (they just wanted to irritate him some more)
29: IND: Aaron Rodgers, QB, Cal (Dungy thinks defense is unnecessary)
30. PIT: Matt Jones, WR, Arkansas (yes, a third position and draft selection for Matt)
31: PHI: Drew Rosenhaus (Eagles' VP Joe Banner will low ball him on the contract offer)
32: NE: Pacman Jones & Atari Bigby, DBs (Pats get a 2-for-1 deal on video gamers)
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| « Last Edit: Apr 19th, 2005, 10:27pm by Philly » |
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Philosopher King
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Re: Mocking the Draft
« Reply #2 on: Apr 20th, 2005, 11:49am » |
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on Apr 19th, 2005, 10:26pm, Philly wrote:| 9. WAS: Steve Stegeman, QB, Catholic U. (Snyder was willing to shell out the big bucks for him) |
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Thanks for throwing me in the top 10, Phil. After all, I did lead Catholic U. to a defeated Division III season this year. 
I must admit, though, that I may have to pull a John  Elway and try to make my way to Denver and my beloved Donkos.  If I do do so, though, this Washington-Baltimore region will then REALLY be harboring some deep-seated hatred for Denver. Yikes! Time to hide all my Broncos gear (that, mind you, I am currently draped in, orange sweats and a Bronco t-shirt and hat... in April,... no kidding).
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